Kidada Ferebee-Wellington
Being black is magic. Being black is beautiful. Being black is honorable. Being black is me. I’m black and I’m proud continues to roll off my tongue everyday to remind those who may try to diminish my melanin as inferior to theirs. I am proud of my heritage, my history, I am proud of who I am and where I come from. Even though there are consistent obstacles against me,I will not let them win. I have the power, determination and drive that they can’t and will not take away from me no matter how hard they push.
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I am a Black, first year, female student at UVA. I come from two separate families. I come from a yellow skinned, 5’0 woman who is a principal at an elementary school with a doctorate degree and a dark skinned, 6’3 Jamaican man who is a truck driver who attended trade school. My parents have offered me different valuable things, many of which I have continued to carry with me throughout my college journey. I know I can always count on my mother to remind me what a privilege it is to be a top notch university and to be a black female on top of that, and I can count on my father to remind me the sky’s not the limit and I can go above and beyond as long as it is what I want to do.
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I may not have understood my parent’s choices of how they raised me when I was younger, but now I realize they were just preparing me for what was bound to be ahead. That the odds were against me in many ways simply because I was black. Also they were teaching me how to use my intelligence to overcome everything that would come my way. The fact that they instilled it in me so early, made me ready for the future and what it held. The trials, the moments where I would want to give up, the moments of confusion or lost of identity. They set my life up, so I knew how to handle all those things to ultimately make me the young strong women they knew I would eventually become.
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When I was first accepted to the university I was surprised for many reasons. One reason was because a website that determined the likelihood of one’s acceptance told me I had a 19% chance of being accepted into UVA, 19! This website was used for retrieving your transcript and made it easier to send it to your prospective schools. In addition to that, we had to put in our information such as SAT scores, classes, etc. Then, after putting in all your information that they would show you the chance of being accepted to the schools you applied to. So of course,I felt a sense of pride when me, out of all people, found out I was accepted into the University, after a “reliable” website told me I had an incredibly low chance of acceptance.
Now you may wonder, dDid I not reach the academic standards?
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No, I did, I graduated with above a 4.0.
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Well, did I not have any leadership credentials or extracurricular?
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No, I did, I had over 200 hours worth of volunteering, was part of a number of clubs, and held leadership positions in most of them.
So why did I not think I would be accepted? Because I was just a black girl coming from a “ghetto” high school applying to one of the best schools in the country against thousands of other applicants. I come from a place of drug dealers, pregnant teens, and many children who have given up. All they know is that streets and that is all they will ever know. There are a select few who make it out and reach beyond what society told them they could not reach. I am forever thankful that I was one of those individuals. My school was predominantly African American students, and most of them had given up on the education system. They came up with the false idea that school was not intended for their best interest. With teachers who weren’t passionate about teaching and administration who treated school as a prison, it was not a place of comfort and security. Many of my peers knew how they were viewed and because of that simply given up.
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Although I was surrounded by that type of environment, I still knew I had to make something of myself, thanks to my mom. I had a mother who provided an example of what it meant to be a successful black women. She showed me what to do and how to get it, even though adversity was present. I guess I just believed times were different and it would be more of a challenge for me than it was for her. Schools are much more difficult to get into nowadays due to rigor and intense competition, and as a teenager I still had the naive thought in the back of my head that I was not as good as my classmates. I had these thoughts even though I had an example of what I wanted to be right in front of me.
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Now why did I have such mentality that I should believe what a website told me?
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I can’t tell you specifically, maybe it was society, maybe it was self-doubt, I cannot give you one answer. However, I can tell you that it was unfair for me to ever believe as a black girl I was not capable of achieving such goals.
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I recall having a conversation with someone and told her I was attending UVA in the fall. Her response was, “Really you weren’t waitlisted?” When I heard the statement come out of her mouth I was immediately and incredibly insulted. Of course there is the possibility she did not mean any harm by her choice of words, but that does not deny the fact she said what she said. I was debating to myself whether I should let it go or educate her on my credentials and how I am the perfect fit for the University. They made no mistake when accepting me the first round of admissions. I decided to let it go. This experience revealed to me that I am going to experience many more conversations like this. In addition, this experience taught me that ignorance will be everywhere I go. That left me wondering about how many other people had the same mentality as this woman. On top of being nervous because I was leaving home and not knowing anyone at UVA, this left me fearful for my future college journey. I did not know what to expect coming to a predominantly white institute, where for the first time I was in an educational environment where I was a minority.
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Then the horrific events happened right before move in day. Groups of neo-nazis and white supremacist came onto the University causing more than a disturbance but rather an uproar. I was not aware of the events until the next day. I was not completely sure on how I felt about the situation. On one hand,I looked at it as just a group of people with tiki torches from Wal-Mart, who therefore should not be taken seriously. On the other hand, they were individuals causing destruction to what I was eventually going to call my home in a few days. Also, the problem was they were not using their freedom of speech properly. Their motives were to harm and hurt individuals who look like me. I never understood how someone could have so much hate in their heart for me for the simple fact I am a few shades darker than them.
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Everywhere I go I feel racism is a hidden agenda, even places one may not consider. Think about how women wear white on their wedding day for “purity,” but black is worn on funerals for death. Or how I go to the makeup store and the closest “nude” lip color I can find is the same color as my tan carpet. I even experience this inequality in my own race! The lighter the better. The light skin community are considered prettier and less aggressive than darker skinned individuals especially in the female community. Then when a dark skinned women gets angry we are automatically perceived as the “angry black woman,” as if we have no right to ever be angry. The fact that to learn my culture’s history is dedicated to the shortest month of the year is what I go through as a black woman. The fact is: black history is American history, but many do not realize that. So many daily struggles I go through as a black woman. However, I have always managed to let it go.
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Well, no longer do I choose to let it go.
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I am infuriated with the way my people are treated and have been treated for centuries. At the moment,I am not too sure about how exactly I can change the system that has been going on for hundreds of years, but I will try to. I think it starts with knowledge. Every day before school my father would tell me two things, “Never be a follower, always be a leader and remember knowledge is power.” Those words will stick with me for eternity. For people to get the bigger picture, they have to first understand what that bigger picture is. It starts with making people aware of the facts and what it is like being black and the struggles that myself and my family have to go through due to the color of our skin. Ignorance is the biggest problem I had to go through. Of course there will be those people who are too prideful and stubborn to want to hear the truth, but there are also those who were simply never taught the facts. I think this starts in our local communities too. Although those who do not directly insult African Americans or say cruel words are just as wrong as those who do for the fact they have no proper knowledge. They walk around thinking they are doing nothing wrong when in all actuality that is doing everything wrong. Do not take my words out of context. I am not saying that everyone should know every invention made by a black person. I am saying that it should be known what the black individual has to go through just to get to the same finish line. Instead of dividing societies we need to cooperate and stop ignorance from being the norm in societies.
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Here at the University, I did not expect much in relation to the representation of my people, and I was indeed correct. The percent of African American students here is less than that of white students at Howard University, a Historically Black College University. Also, the most African American professors you will find, of course, all teach African American studies. What is even more astonishing is that many individuals said this is the most diversity they have ever seen! I am not trying to blame anyone for these occurrences, but I think it proves there is a problem that needs to be solved. I believe my decision to attend the university is the first step. As a student here witnessing my findings, I can share them among others and why they are an issue. College is intended to find your identity and who you are a person, and that is what has happened for me since the events in Charlottesville. I admit I did not consider how unjust the system was during my days at home, for it was not as evident there because I was surrounded by people like me. I also always let things go. Instead, I could have provided knowledgeable insight. By letting things go, I too was making myself a part of the problem. In these events I have gained a better understanding that this is real life. I am a black woman and I am proud of it, but many, and I mean many, would rather I be ashamed of it and that is just not right.
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With that I ask myself what does it mean to be a UVA student in light of these events? I earned above a 4.0 GPA. I was a dance teacher’s assistant. I was a teacher intern. I was part of the cheerleading team. I was manager for track and football teams. I was a mentor to young girls in my local community. I accumulated more than 200 hours of community service. I volunteered in a Children’s Hospital. I attended a health sciences academy. I was accepted into the 25th top ranking school in US News. Therefore, I know for a fact there was no mistake in my acceptance to this university. I have the credentials and I intend to use my skills here at UVA.
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Being here I come to realize that I do belong here and I have a purpose to fulfill during my time here. I plan to join organizations to help enhance African American representation here and help bring awareness of the plight we have being a minority at the university. I will earn a doctorate degree just like my mother and accomplish my dreams which I once thought were unattainable. I will work hard to prove I am capable of all things I put my mind to and anyone who may have assumed differently will be proven wrong. However, the most important part of all, I will do all of this while being black.
Author’s Note
My ideal audience for this piece is NY Times. I want to share my voice with the readers and how the events taken place here at Charlottesville influenced my outlook here at UVA. I have a serious tone for the most, in order to get my point across and let it be clearly evident of my feelings and outlook. My essay reminds me somewhat of the web publication about white privilege. For this piece I knew I did not want to really share where I was and what I was doing when the events happened, but rather how it changed my opinion and helped me come to a certain realization. From that I just free wrote what was on my mind and later organized my paper accordingly. In addition, I had a conference with my professor to get any suggestions and possible changes I needed or should make. I am proud that this paper allows me to share my truth for many to hear.
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Sounds About White
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The text that intrigued me the most is McIntosh’s “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack.” I appreciated this piece for its efforts and intentions. McIntosh addressed the matter of white privilege and how she experiences it as a white woman herself. Due to that, I enjoyed the piece. However, with further analysis and actually making the piece my own, I have made a few conclusions about the piece. Although she has positive intentions, McIntosh’s ways of going about the issue of white privilege could have been done differently, and in itself she is still acting upon her white privilege.
In “White Privilege: Unpacking the Knapsack,” McIntosh is sharing her realization that white privilege is a real thing. She explains why she believes people in privilege do not realize they have an advantage, and because of that they are oblivious to it. She comes to her own realization based on her own experience of disadvantage. In her encounter, it is with her male counterparts and their advantages over women. She then relates that to how her female African American equal, is not so equal after all. She provides real life examples of her white privilege, “ I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time,” she continues sharing examples like this twenty-five more times (McIntosh). Near the end of her piece she asks what are her white female peers going to do about this new understanding. She reminds her readers, most likely intended towards other white women like her, that “the silences and denials surrounding privilege are the key political tool here” (McIntosh) which I believe is ultimately true. This is because, when people are quiet about a subject as such, the issue will never get addressed since no one is willing to even talk about it. She then closes her piece by asking her readers what will they do with their advantages.
As I stated I really appreciate McIntosh’s effort in this piece, but it still could have been elaborated much differently. I want to start with how she comes to realize white privilege is a thing. She shares her own experiences with discrimination, which I think is great. She wants her readers to feel a connection with her, because considering who her intended readers most likely are, other white women, they can relate to her. As a result, her piece gains some credibility, yet there is also a problem within this method. She shares her encounters of “oppression” with the white male. I quote oppression, because she felt the right to compare her struggles as white woman with the struggles as an African American. I think that there is no room to even consider her struggles real oppression. A white woman’s fight is to be considered equal to her male counterparts. Now switch white woman for black woman and the number of inequalities doubles. A white woman is above the rankings in comparison to black woman. Therefore, I do not believe she should have felt her plight was the same as an African American’s woman. Another problem I found within this introduction is the fact that she did not go into great detail as to how her experiences helped her realize white privilege was a real thing. She did not mention any specific moment that caused her to realize there was such thing as a white privilege similar to male privilege. Telling her actual experience of realization could definitely aid her article. She states that she “realized...there was most likely a phenomenon of white privilege that was similarly denied and protected,” (McIntosh). Well, I think she is definitely stating the obvious, but I will not counter her on that because I believe since she is not actually encountering the issue, she will not notice it. However, ignorance is not an excuse. We know that she came to a realization. We know that she encountered her own plight as a woman. We know these things, but we do not know how specifically these experiences lead her to her conclusion that white privilege is something she carries nor what made her desire to address these issues. Therefore, acknowledging that in her article could help the reader have a better understanding and strengthen the piece overall.
Now I want to discuss the daily advantages she expresses in her piece. She mentioned quite a few, twenty-six as I mentioned before, but then she makes a statement after listing all the advantages. She writes, “I repeatedly forgot each of these realizations on this list until I wrote them down (McIntosh).” Well, well, well does this actually surprise me? Unfortunately, many people are exactly like McIntosh. A serious issue gains some importance, but then it is forgotten. That issue is left behind for the next person to repeat the same cycle, to eventually everyone no longer caring. Meaning an issue, that was once considered serious, no longer has any importance or at least not as much as it did before. As a result, the issue is still around waiting for someone, anyone, to give it the attention it deserves. Consider police brutality in the African American community. There have been countless murders of African Americans, especially males, by the hands of police, but what are the people doing about it? How many people dying will it take for society to come to its senses? Let us also not forget how an issue can lose importance because people want to say that the issue is not valid. Still referencing to police brutality, the famous movement Black Lives Matter has been diminished, or attempted to be diminished, at least by the "All Lives Matter" movement. The Black Lives Matter Movement is not intending to discredit all people, just at this time, this situation has become out of hand and it specifically needs to be resolved. This is similar to what McIntosh is doing too. She knows white privilege is a problem for her female black peers yet, she says she always forgot about it. That is why I believe McIntosh should have emphasized more on what her intentions were after coming to her realizations.
Now that I have criticized details within the piece I now would like to address the paper in its entirety. To begin I would like to start with the fact that McIntosh is exhibiting white privilege by writing this piece. She knows her voice in this paper will be heard because as a white woman she has that advantage. By even discussing the topic of white privilege her point will sound valid to the readers due the fact she is white. And that is what white privilege--something that white individuals do not realize they have every day. They hold some advantage no matter what the case may be. This is a white individual who has never experienced oppression first hand writing about race and is probably considered a memorable literature figure, but when you have white privilege that is the norm. If you don’t believe me consider if an African American woman wrote this same exact publication. I know that some people would automatically believe she was using the “race card,” and try to discredit her findings. The race card is the idea that black people always talk about race even when it is not applicable, but the truth of the matter is race always applies. We have been an oppressed group of people for over hundreds of years; therefore,I do not understand why people feel we do not have the right to reference almost everything to race. If your group of people experienced over 300 hundred years of slavery I think you would be upset too. I understand slavery is not happening today, but because of those extended years of oppression we are still facing consequences. People like to exclaim, “[t]he past is the past, just forget about it”, but we cannot forget about it! It has shaped the way society views us African Americans today and the same people who tell us to forget about it should listen to their own advice. A lot of their peers still want to follow the steps of their ancestors and have a negative view on blacks and are stuck in the mindset of the past. With all that said McIntosh writing this piece will not have to encounter negative feedback, besides myself of course, due to her skin color and choice of topic.
I also would like to point out how on the website where the paper is published, you have to personally ask McIntosh if you want to print over thirty-five copies. Now I understand there could possibly be a logistical reason for that, but I am going to look at it from a different point of view. My question is why would she put a limit on the number of copies produced? She should want everyone and anyone to have access to the paper, but by having a limit prohibits that. What was her purpose if not everyone can access the publication? Change cannot be implemented if not everyone is aware that a problem is even present. If she really wanted to use her advantages she would have written a book, in order to really break down white privilege and truly analyze it for what it is. However she did not, instead she wrote a quick paper trying to show the world, “hey I’m a white woman who is acknowledging the fact I have white privilege,” well congratulations McIntosh. I just don’t understand her gain from writing this piece. It is as if she wants others to instead notice how she is not like her male peers. She mentions, “I have often noticed men’s unwillingness to grant that they are over privileges…” (McIntosh). Therefore by writing this piece she is sharing that she is not like her male counterparts, who we as readers know are not her favorite group of people, because we know that she considers them oppressors. So she is possibly using this paper instead to disprove her male equals and display how she is above them because she is actually acknowledging the fact she has privilege, something in her eyes men do not address. There she goes again using her advantages without even realizing it.
All of the points I made lead me to my final conclusion: white people do not have the right to even write about white privilege. Now I know this may come off a little harsh, but think about it. White privilege is having the upper hand to African Americans. Therefore, writing about it is a prime example of using their advantages that African Americans do not necessarily have. Also white Americans have never gotten to encounter white privilege on the negative side that we African Americans encounter. They will always have the upper hand no matter the situation. McIntosh attempting to display that she is woke, or aware, to society’s wrongs does not allow her to understand what we as a group actually go through. She will forever be an outsider looking in, never going through the troubles that we go through. So then why did she have the audacity to write this paper? Because her privilege has allowed her to think she does. Then what makes it even worse is that she strictly wrote this paper from her view, she did not bring in an African American once. How are her readers supposed to really gain a sense of what white privilege is and how it affects those who have to go through it if she does not bring them in her paper once? She asks the question, “having described white privilege, what will I do to end it?”(McIntosh). She should have asked the African American community, where white privilege is occurring for the worse of the community. However she instead looks towards herself, but when you have the power and entitlement that sounds about white.
I write this paper in efforts for other African American individuals to share their voice on important issues, such as white privilege. For too long we as a society have had to feel as if our voice does not matter and no one will listen, but I want to say that is not true. It is time to be heard and understood. We have endured so much and it is only right we share our viewpoints and how being an oppressed society has affected us. Our voice matters and it will be heard.
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Author’s Note
For my project I am mainly countering McIntosh’s piece “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack.” I do so by working with parts within the paper and then onto the paper as a whole. Mainly I am discussing problem areas within the structure and organization of the paper. I want my readers to hear my voice while still using Harris’ techniques. I decided to work with McIntosh’s piece because I initially liked the topic she chose and valued that it was coming from her, a white American woman. However, as I reread the piece I realized it actually had a lot of imperfections to eventually coming to the conclusion she should have not wrote this piece at all. In relation to my process I typically free write, which is what I did for this piece. I made sure to read McIntosh’s piece multiple times in order to ensure I understood what I was working with. Then I attended to the writing center and had a conference with my professor. From there I took my critiques and revised areas that needed to be fixed and completed my assignment.
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